This is the second part of a reflection on my experience with boudoir photography. If you’re starting here, you might want to go back to the beginning so you can see the shifts and transformations all the way through. Thank you for joining me on this journey! As part of discovering What Wellness Is for me, I’m grateful to be able to share the reflections and hope you discover something for yourself along the way. I am interested to hear how you respond and your personal introspection! Please, feel free to share with me!
We left off from Part 1 with me running off to try on the lingerie that I picked out for my photoshoot. I’d love to say that something hilarious happened, that the beautiful disaster was real and I’m a puddle of mush on the floor with the enjoyment of it all.
I laid it all out on my bed looking for matching pieces. Feeling the delicacy of the lace pieces and settling into the nostalgic feelings that lace brings to me. There’s something old about lace. It takes me to the mountains of Colorado and old cabins in the mining towns. It’s precious, delicate, cherished.
Baring my body for a photographer is a lot like the lace. I’ve always seen myself as the strong one who can handle whatever life throws her way. There’s also the part that doesn’t come out often, the part that wants to be handled with care, with reverence, and love.
That’s the lace.
Now, I got some leather too with some satin to soften it. That’s good. I can be in my element with that.
It’s the lace that has me taking a pause.
About a week ago, I was working through an exercise in a book and I was being asked what I could open my heart to. What is it that brings the creativity out in me?
How do I play with creativity?
One morning while I was writing, I had an exchange with a friend and was reminded of my guitar. The only instrument I ever wanted to learn to play. One of my first memories was of my mom playing and me at her feet, and from then on I wanted to hear that sound or make it for my own kids.
I felt like my heart was flailed open with the thought to ask that friend for a quick lesson. The permission to play, to dance with creativity just because I could was terrifying. And to do it with another was worse.
You can see through lace. It bares its vulnerability with pride, giving you permission to touch, to gently sway in the breeze, or to make whatever it’s on beautiful.
I asked for that lesson with tears in my eyes, pulling up the courage to fail or be brushed aside, or to connect and step into uncertainty.
The breeze blew at that moment and gave both of our hearts a chance to heal. See, he hasn’t played in a year. Lost his love of playing with a hard breakup. And in that 10-minute lesson, we both laughed and healed. Baby steps.
Boudoir was beckoning me to come closer. To touch the lace.
Standing back and watching it blow in the breeze gives space to observe. To touch it allows for participation in its dance with the wind.
The child inside us all wants to play. The lace calls you closer, nudges you toward the edge, opens you to the wind which fills your chest until wings breakthrough to carry you. “Touch me,” the lace begs. “Let me make you beautiful…”
There I was, putting it on, one piece at a time. Not looking in the mirror, just feeling it move against me. Seeing my skin underneath and the contours of my body shifting the pattern. It felt like the simplest form of grace, to be touched by lace.
The lace is bringing me to the photoshoot. Reminding me to touch it and be beautiful as we dance in the wind.
And I’m bringing my guitar. To wear as a reminder of the courage to be seen in reclaiming my beauty, my ability to shine through. It’s my declaration to shine on, and never dim my light for anyone.
Emily Kamala, MA, RMT, MCHC does virtual Wellness Coaching and draws on over two decades of work in the wellness industry. Creating sustainable breakthroughs with single parents, and supporting sustainable wellness programs in underserved communities are her flames. You can reach her at 720-515-4178 or visit her website at www.ConsciousLivingLLC.com for more information. You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram